It’s probably the most well known adage about leadership – lead by example.

It is as true today as it ever was and must be a foundation value of your own leadership ethic, whether you occupy a leadership position or not.  In fact if you are a team member rather than the leader, it may be one of the few tactics you can employ to influence positive behaviours within your team.

But is it enough?  Can leading by example be a weak cop-out that you use to justify not addressing poor behaviours in your co-workers?

“The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.”

Lt Gen David Morrison AO, then Chief of the Australian Army

Gen. Morrison was not the first to coin this phase in fact it is often used in the military as it goes an important step further than merely leading by example.  It reminds us that in order to prevent slippage of standards or a creep downward towards poor values and behaviours, every member of the team must address instances of behaviour not in keeping with the team’s (or societal) shared values.

 

Moral courage is the most valuable and usually most absent characteristic in men

General George S. Patton

You can infer from this that Patton is saying physical courage, or bravery, is more commonplace and perhaps somehow easier.  Why might this be so?

The decision to do something brave, like stepping into traffic to save a child, is something we would term a gut reaction, you see it and you act without much thought.  These sorts of reactions are controlled by a fast² part of the brain (there is a lot out there on this and I won’t attempt to explain it here).  This fast reacting part of the brain is the emotional decision making area that drives this type of decision.

Where you witness something in your day to day life that runs against your values, the fast reacting brain area (or gut) will tell you almost immediately that it’s not right but as there is no jeopardy you will not necessarily immediately act.  What happens then?

Your slower rational and analytical brain will kick in and start to tell you all the personal risks that acting on your gut will expose you to.  Rejection, ridicule, damage to reputation, shame, retaliation etc. Soon the risks overpower you and the time delay makes the intervention now seem somewhat overthought and pre-planned making it all the harder to initiate.

A woman should be approached within 3 seconds of seeing her.  If you take longer, you’ll get nervous and she will think you’re a creep. 

Neil Strauss – The Game

 

I in no way endorse this book however the idea that a human interaction involving personal risk can be commenced prior to both parties considering that risk (the 3 second rule), is a powerful technique that can be used for good rather than abhorrent manipulation.

Mel Robbins describes a similar technique in her book ‘The 5 Second Rule’ about procrastination.

The number of seconds is not important, for me, I think it’s about 2 seconds.  I find that if I don’t act almost immediately I fall into analytical mode, the reasons for inaction build and stress levels increase.

In order to overcome this, you need to act immediately when your gut tells you to.  Do not wait to find the right words, start talking and make it up as you go. Remember, no one can argue with how something makes you feel so use this if necessary, for example ‘when you say things like that it makes me feel like ….’

The good news is that your moral courage will build in strength with use.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”

Eleanor Roosevelt – You Learn by Living

 

Additionally, by acting in accordance with your moral compass, more often than not the consequences are far less scary than you imagine and often there will be no consequences at all, only positive reactions by your teammates and the person you are addressing.

Remember leading by example isn’t enough, the standard you walk past is the standard you accept, so if you want things to get better you need to take action – just don’t delay it.

That is all

Dickie

 

¹ if you want to read more on this here is a great article on moral courage from a lesson by Nelson Mandela https://atlascorps.org/nelson-mandela-lessons-on-moral-courage/

² Science says this 5 second rule will make your brain stop procrastinating – Thomas Koulopoulos http://www.inc.com